Return to Qu'Appelle Reveries (Blog)

 

From what i can tell no one or perhaps one or two people read what is on the site. Of course we wish what we say is of benefit. Could promote on other platforms but in my experience this is really hit and miss type of influence. Have always treated this as a diary or maybe more accurately a notebook. They are notes as work is done and at somepoint it may be read by another. Often it is erased as it is not really editted to be archived - a sketch rather than a drawing or an underpainting rather than a finished work. 

 

Anyway...

 

Few of those who are in my current life know that I was alone in a small condominium for more than a year. I left a job and shortly a relationship and did not find work that i wanted for this period. This week reminded me of that time and caused me to recall what was learned. 

 

I just read the anticipation of widespread mental illness from the social isolation which could last months, a year, who knows? 

 

Cannot speak to everyone as an introverted person. It certainly is difficult and in my prior experience this was not imposed but chosen. 

 

To my experience this extended 'isolation' did more to resolve mental illness than create or intensify it. This seems a counterintuitive answer. 

 

In retrospect I often think if I knew that there was going to be this long absense from society that it could have been planned like a sabbatical. This is closer to our world as it is controlled. My life was not controlled but limited. There was basics but no money for extras. I had time to make art but there was a type of task that first seemed like depression but actually was its counter which took time and energy. 

 

This 'task' for lack of an accurate term is resetting. Now I wonder who I am as it differs from the person a few years before this break (I use this term with great care as it applies in many forms). Some aspects were in place that have intesified and matured; others have faded. 

 

 

One interesting part of this is there was no agenda other than time and space. In some ways this may be what is being presented. 

 

Not to minimize the hardship we are in for - we are not ever sure yet what that is completely. Most are biding time I think till it is back to normal. Some have already been thrown into the breach of unemployment, break in routine, uncertainty and fear. All of these were experiences I had during my time away. Of course, this is massive and touches all while my experience were only my own. 

 

This time was painful but also a gift. The days were endlessly long and the future became almost an unknown. Days would sometimes be chunked down into bits or shortened by sleep to limit the anguish. Other periods were lighter. There were no rescuers but quiet support which at first angered me but later became a point of gratitude. This seeming betrayal was a blessing as one can learn to live with themself despite it all. 

 

 

The largest suprise for me was the reversal of many symptoms which were in place prior to by time away that everso slowly have mostly faded. This is an important point as it is my observation that it was not isolation but the social world that brought the symptoms on as defences and coping mechanisms. As we are transitioning it will present us with this same opportunity. Not just to look at the problems resulting from the crisis but the opening this distance presents us with. Likely we will wish it away or act out in the loss of our way of life. But maybe some will question how we live and moreso understand again the world of silence, solitude, self reflection, distance, independence, fear, insecurity, illness as not problems but realities with us each day. We have been distracting ourselves (or encouraged to do so as a form of an economy through entertainment and consumption) from this part of living and ourselves. 

 

I have no knowledge as not a history student but it seems that the monastic life rose from similar falls of empire and disease. As unwilling as we are the global, consumer, capitalistic religion for all its good is no longer viable. Our leaders will want to get through this and repair/return us to this way as it is there realm. |It is the Versailles mindset. 

 

 

 

Through a personal experence that is unique it is not fair to translate it to the macro. Nor do I speak up often about this. Somewhat as it can be as shameful or odd and also because the point of it was to go into it to learn. It is not a TED talk but a life experience. Not sure how or why it occured it more happened. Had no strategy in mind just lived it. Here we are globally presented with the inner life filling the void as our cultures are taken away for a time. Of course, the online world is presented as the alternative and we will see if it is an inner life. Who knows. 

 

If you can not destroy yourself or turn to anarchy in a time of social abstinance, you will not have a revelation but a settling. It is not dramatic, quick or all encompassing (in my experience) but a maturing and a slowing. As a sidebar, is this not what the world needs? In speaking with and observing my aging parents including one who is homebound you see this result. Perhaps it is the purpose of old age. Maybe our world is old and need to become wise. The elder was once the sage and guidance for the community and had a place. Now we live in speed, excess, distance and groupings. These are young maybe immature qualities in a person which we have exaulted as truth. Do not doubt the religious quality of your life even if you claim to be an atheist or agnostic. Even the believers are really at the alter of the New Religion as you cannot live in most of the world without adhering to the orthodoxy. It is a catholic, self centred catholic way of being. It is being challenged by an unseen apostate. 

 

No one knows where this will go or when it will end. We think this is not reality but is is below the false securities many of us lived under. The world has its own rules for which we have knowledge of in minimal facts but little or no understanding of. There were those who sought this in all times and cultures (perhaps except for our own - there are always some but they are not part of our culture and are underground) and they may be all that can hold human society together. Maybe visionaries will come from this which likely are needed. Or you will go on your holiday next year with no changes. 

 

It is a strange and even frightening gift to be set away. It likely is better that it is not chosen as who would choose it? Some did and no thing changed while others became humanities underpinning. 

 

We will see. It is the great return of lost life - the part you ignored or fear.